The Mother In Law

The Mother in Law, yes I’m sure many of you just cringed or even felt sick to your stomach while others probably had a giggle. Unfortunately these days the mother in law is a scary, evil character who seeks to ruin your life and every happiness, to raise your kids her way, clean your home her way and care for her son …her way

Sadly the man in the equation of these two women usually just follows his loyalty and love toward his mother blindly or at least in front of her which only feeds the situation. Other men may fear to wrong the huge rights of their mother that they don’t realise they are actually oppressing their wife and allowing someone to oppress another is harram in Islam. It doesn’t matter if its your mum or dad you must find a respectful way to advise them or help them to not oppress others especially those whom you have responsibility over.

Many times women don’t stop to think about the fact that one day she will be the ‘mother in law’ and how will she felt with this strange woman just popping up into her life and disrupting it with demands and expectations on her child, yes he is now a grown man and the wife a grown woman but the reality is parents will always look out for their kids no matter how old they get.

Jealousy

There is a natural form of jealousy that the mother will have which is understandable, that time she had with her son before he got married, that love and care, the outings and the gifts etc, now he’s focused elsewhere and the adjustment is hard. It doesn’t always mean she is trying to harm you or take your husband from you , that is her son obviously she wants him to be happy in his marriage but she needs to adjust to the new life too. Many times women don’t admit how much they compete with their mother in law causing a tug of war which then brings out the competition from the mother in law and truth be told, you will never win against a mans Mother. Just because she’s older doesnt mean she isn’t human or is any better than you, but due to her age and being the grandmother to your children she at minimum deserves your respect just as your own parents do.

Demanding

I hear about this one a lot, my mother in law tells me to do XYZ and my husband doesn’t say anything. I feel like a slave she isn’t even my  mother and I have to do so much for her etc. This in reality isn’t correct anyone deserving of our efforts and exhaustion its our own parents, our own mother and our husband. Just as anyone can be a little too demanding  sometimes yet we tolerate it but we don’t see it as bothersome as the mother in law. When someone says her mother in law is demanding this and that everyone’s eye brows raise and the look … well, you all know the look. If you don’t want to have such demands put on you find a nice way to excuse yourself from such. If it’s a cultural thing then make it clear before marriage your fine to cater to your husband’s family but not when it will negatively impact your quality of living and your own goals in life. If a man wants to treat his parents well he should do it himself or pay someone to do so. It is not from Islam to make your wife into anyones servant or to busy her with things that disrupt her lively hood from what she is obligated to do. Although a good woman will be kind to her in-laws and especially to them if they are her guests just as a good man wont oppress her into forcing her into what becomes burdensome

Troublesome

Few mother in-laws are actually just troublesome, yes I agree some are just trying to cause all kinds of unneccessary issues and ‘stir the pot’. I mean what business is it of hers to look at your dirty wash basket or to count the dirty dishes. But you know good is rewarded by good and either you be the better person and find ways to counteract her nastiness with good behaviour and speech seeking your reward from Allah or the other option may be divorce. If a man isn’t willing to help solve these issues then there is no point allowing defeat and becoming rude or harsh to another person. Never allow someones bad character or their stepping out of line be a reason for you to do the wrong thing.

People need to forget this stigma of the mother in-law because in reality they tolerate many of same things from other people and even their own parents yet they don’t become so sour and angry about it. If someone is bad to you they are wrong but if you retaliate then my sister you also become wrong

Our goal as Muslim women is to obtain Jennah, to raise our children in the best way and to teach them from the best of examples. We may not always be the best of examples so when we error we should then correct such behaviour. All people wrong others some by accident some don’t care but we should seek to forgive those who wrong us and move on with our goal …Jennah. Nothing and no one is worth losing our good deeds, when we stand infront of Allah we will wish we had the chance to just come back to the dunya and do even one more good deed or give charity one more time. lets use our time wisely while we are still here

May Allah rectify the affairs of my sisters who are struggling family problems ameen

 

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